Stand-up comedian and family man Tom Papa explores how we deal with our inescapable relatives and their bizarre behavior. A warm, hilarious book that saws deep into every branch of the family tree and uncovers the most hysterical and surprisingly meaningful aspects of our lives.
Moms & dads. No presents for Dad ; Call your mother before she's dead ; Tiger Mom vs. Ice-cream Mom ; Things you find on Mom ; Don't ask your father ; Your children should at least think you might spank them ; Things you find on Dad ; Stop trying to be cool -- Children. Welcome to Plain Pasta, can I take your order? ; The kid with the googly eye ; Your baby doesn't want to go anywhere with you ; Boys stink ; How to yell at your children ; Morning people ; In defense of family vacations ; The happiest place on earth? ; No fighting before coffee ; Least popular baby names ; School sucks! -- Family life. Someone threw up there ; Worst family vacation spots ; Nuttier than a fruitcake ; No phones at the tablay ; Stay out of the emergency room ; Tell me that story again ; Bad family games ; Birthday parties belong at home ; Fun family traditions -- Husbands. There are no great guys ; Don't drag him to an art gallery while on vacation ; Things husbands lie about ; You aren't marrying who you think you are ; John is dead -- Wives. The wife lie detector ; The importance of the forced romantic getaway ; We'll sleep when we're dead ; That cute thing she does ; What men think their wives do in the bathroom ; Leave the past alone ; There's no such thing as a soul mate -- Pets. Your cat thinks you're too needy ; Your dog doesn't want to go to a restaurant with you ; Get a fish ; Good family pets ; Requiems for Smokey ; Bad family pets -- Grandparents. Fishing for sky ; Old people shouldn't twerk ; Perfect gift ideas for Grandma ; Who's watching who? ; Bad gift ideas for Grandma -- The outlaws. Your father-in-law doesn't like you either ; Best places to bring your daughter's boyfriend ; Your mom's not the boss of me -- Brothers & sisters. Mistake in the woods ; The brother I never had -- Aunts, uncles & cousins too. Cool aunt vs. creepy aunt ; Uncle Al, all the kids' pal ; Cool things to do with your uncle when you're young ; Your cousins will ruin your life -- Strangers. Rocky Road ; New Americans (Trolls ; Techno-idiots ; The super sports fan ; The angry, middle-aged white guy ; Hot moms ; Know-nothing life masters) ; People to avoid on a plane -- And, finally...just eat the bread.
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